Can someone tell me the big deal of night outing that we take so important just to meet with stupid and idiotic douchebags?
You feel that hanging out with your friends at your favorite bar would not have an effect on you being a good girl, just before you realize that a guy is teasing you, and you are falling for it, only to mess yourself up one more time.
At the end, you find yourself in his house, with your clothes scattered on his awful hardwood floor, and he’s thrilling you with a John Mayer album in the background.
The next morning, as you gather with your friends to discuss the evening over brunch, everyone’s lips are moving, talking topic is centered on the stupid guy you hooked up with.
They tell you how much of a flirt he is, how he spilled some girl’s drink and refused to get her a new one and how he carelessly talks about girls.
For some reason (due to your stupidity), you cannot recall any of this.
You don’t even know his name or remember his foolish behavior last night. All you can think of is his muscular arms, how breath-taking his smile was and how wonderful he appeared in his black button-down shirt.
It seems you only remember what his looks, and there’s science to explain that. From the June 2015 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships known as “Show Versus Tell? The Effects of Mating Context on Women’s Memory for a Man’s Physical Features and Verbal Statements.”
The study explains that when women go out in search for a short-term partner (anyone to hook up with or just a regular date, for example — they remember his physical appearance over what he really is inside, as he said.
When women go out in search of a long-term partner, it is the other way round.
To prove that this is true, researchers gave 125 female participants, all undergraduates, a fictional scenario in which they encouraged the women to decide the kind of partner they want.
Then, the researchers gave the women a shocking memory test on their recollection of the man’s appearance and verbal statements.
They requested that the women describe the man’s physical appearance like “eyes, nose, eyebrows, shoulders, facial and body hair and body build,” in addition to “his university, major and minor in school, community, favorite foods, feelings about competition, workout habits, scholarship, mother’s and father’s occupations and family history of heart disease.”
As all women preferred interesting and attractive men, those who wanted a short-term partner recalled what he looked like over what he said, and vice versa for those who wanted a long-term partner.
It seems like the importance of each quality is as a result of the type of relationship the women craved for — which, in turn, had an effect on their memories of said quality.
The study says:
When it comes to choosing a long-term partner, women consider the cues to a man’s status and ambition over his physical attractiveness. In a short-term mating context, the reverse is the case.
There is more to this than just merely observing a woman’s preference for what a man brings to the table; it examines how her memory is affected, proving the thickness of these desires.
But what is the thing in each quality that affects both a short-term and long-term relationship?
When it comes to long-term relationships, a man’s ability to provide for a family is determined by his status and ambition, as shown when he talks about his competitiveness, the university he went to, etc. — are more important, however, those qualities are not so necessary in the case of short-term relationships:
In the context of long-term mating, men with high investment/status are the one’s women seem to care more about.
If a man is seen as a short-term sexual partner…women will not benefit so much from a short-term mate’s status and resources, and they understand that it will be very difficult for casual sex to generate a long-term relationship. Instead, the advantages come from securing high-quality genes, which can be transferred from them to their children.
So, when you strike up a conversation with a guy at the bar, it was cool you didn’t really consider going home with him a big deal; you totally forgot what great flirt the guy is, that he carelessly spilled your friends drink and that he called some girl a slut.
You were only concerned about his looks. You forget the kind of person he is and any human quality he had.
The reason you continue hanging out with the same stupid person who can’t do you any better is brought to light with this result.
Although “women understand that they are less likely to have a long-term relationship with a casual sex partner, they are more likely than men to engage in casual sex as a means of trying to start a long-term relationship.”
In the context of a hookup, this study has confirmed that women tend to appreciate physical outlook over substance, so you could stick to him because of how hot your clumsy hookup is, feeling like trash and constantly re-doing the cycle.
In choosing if to or not to hook up with him, you just don’t remember the nonsense that comes out whenever he opens his mouth.
Our quest to hook up with hot guys overpowers our feelings of attraction, so women should take note for this because it means a lot.
Instead, it seems as if we are tricked by our memories to assume that sleeping with someone is a good choice because we forget that the person is not right for us.
Maybe when we seriously consider this, the rate at which we hook up with shitheads will reduce.
For this phenomenon to come to an end, maybe we should hang around the bar with the mindset of searching for a long-term partner (whether or not this is actually true).
That way, we’ll prefer the words of a guy over his physical appearance, and then we can protect ourselves often.